(Though nobody actually has it.)

07:31 Lindsay wakes up refreshed. She wore earplugs last night. Why it took the university graduate so long to think of this, god only knows.

God: Because she’s got no common sense, that’s why!

08:01 Lindsay realises she needs to change her blog bio. She’s no longer a teacher of French. In fact, she never taught the French. If she had, she’d have only lasted five minutes.

11:00 The Stevenson children observe the 2 minutes silence impeccably. Because they’re all still asleep.

11:42 Ian and Lindsay are looking at the photo of Abigail dancing yesterday. Lindsay’s considering how good the newly painted fence looks, how high Abigail is jumping, how blue the sky is. Meanwhile,

“You do realise it looks like you’ve left a giant pink dildo on the table.”

12:37 Ian’s going upstairs,

“Are you going to check the kids are still alive?”

“No.”

13:05 Lindsay mentions doing a Tiktok. Joel pushes Lindsay to the ground and Abigail runs off with her phone. She gets the impression they don’t want her to do one.

13:42 Lindsay spots another grammatical error on yesterday’s blog. She decides writing is too hard. She’s more suited to eating crisps and drinking vodka.

15:02 Ian asks what the Welsh First Minister has just announced

“I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.”

“Why? Did you think it was me talking?”

15:23 Joel asks if Lindsay has made his pot noodle.

“Yes Joel. I have.”

“Have you done all the steps Mam?”

“Excuse me? Steps for a pot noodle?”

“Yes. You have to pour, then stir, then stir.”

“Well, if you know how to do it, do it your fecking self next time!”

16:04 Lindsay has a ‘eureka’ moment and lets Ian know.

“Oh, I know why Captain Tom recorded ‘You’ll never walk alone’. Because he walked lots. Alone.

“You are the brightest, thickest person I know!”

16:32 Lindsay says ‘Danke’ when Ian makes her a cuppa. Maybe not the best choice of language today.

17:01 Lindsay is listening to a French person moaning about something and is trying to translate. She complains to Ian.

“I can’t hear what they are saying! Stop breathing!!”

16:52 Joel arrives in the kitchen and sees his mother pouring a vodka.

“You’re drinking again?”

“Yes, I’m celebrating.”

“Oh yeah, VE Day.”

“No, surviving another day in lockdown with you.”

17:21 Lindsay prepares a meal fit for VE Day. Spag Bol, Irish steak and curry.

18:02 Lindsay tries to think of other stuff for her blog. But she mite av ad a bit too muchy drinky poos. Oops.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 51