(Though nobody actually has it.)

08:56 Frankie becomes a modern day Greyfriars Bobby as he watches over his owner. Except she’s not dead, just in a vodka-induced coma.

10:04 Frankie is holding up the walk by sniffing something. Lindsay starts singing ‘Alouette’. Frankie immediately shows his opinion by cocking his leg.

10:13 Abigail asks what the song is about, which leads into a discussion about how some nursery rhymes are quite disturbing.

“Think about it Abigail. Humpty Dumpty basically dies and Jack breaks his skull.”

“Yeah and Jill dies too.”

“No she doesn’t. She fixes Jack with vinegar and brown paper.”

“No, Jack pretends to die then, when Jill thinks he’s dead, she kills herself.”

“That’s bloody Romeo and Juliet!”

“Oh yeah. I always get the two mixed up.”

10:15 Lindsay decides to spend more time with her children to get material for her blog.

12:32 Ian’s walking round shouting into his work’s phone like Dom Joly. Who knew train drivers were so important?

13:37 Lindsay’s listening to Rosanna by Toto. She becomes overly concerned about where Rosanna went nearly a year ago, yet she doesn’t know even know if two of her own kids are still alive today.

13:43 Frankie thinks he’s being helpful. He helps paint the stones by knocking over the paint tin with his tail, then decorate the path with his grey footprints.

14:43 Joel emerges from his stinky lair and sees the half empty vodka bottle in the kitchen.

“Mam!! You said you would help me with schoolwork today!!”

“I will. I’m fine.”

“Well you don’t look it!”

15:23 Lindsay reads about possible plans to reopen schools. She not bothered because the way she’s going, the only place she will be visiting is the Betty Ford clinic.

16:42 Nobody can agree on what Lindsay should do for tea. Indian, Chinese or pizza. But they all agree that she shouldn’t cook.

17:01 Lindsay wonders if dogs can be taught to differentiate between clothes. Because Frankie needs to be taught that Lindsay, after her shower, will not be walking him in her fleecy white pyjamas.

17:04 Lindsay is slightly disconcerted when she phones the Chinese and they answer “Hello there 20 Laurel Bank.”

17:45 Lindsay starts some school planning, although she has to be careful. Last night’s slightly drunken catch up led to next Friday being rechristened VD Day by her nurse friend. Lindsay’s sure her parents don’t want to homeschool their children on the clap, crabs or crotch critters.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 46