(Though nobody actually has it.)

07:13 Lindsay wakes up after sleeping like a baby. A baby who wakes up gagging for a cup of tea and slice of toast.

09:58 Lindsay spots the baby deer and stops to take an arty photo. That’s until she’s gets a loud notification saying Carl’s fetching her Tropic order between 12:57 and 13:37. The deer is startled and legs it.

10:15 Frankie finds a ball and Lindsay tries to get rid of it, but he keeps finding it. He thinks it’s a good game. Lindsay wishes she’d tried harder in PE at school.

10:34 Lindsay smiles to herself as she sees a toddler having a tantrum in the middle of the road. She’s glad those days are behind her…..Who is she kidding? Joel’s still having meltdowns.

11:03 Lindsay taunts OCD Ian again by standing the mugs the wrong way round. This is now she’s getting her kicks nowadays.

11:18 Lindsay wishes a friend happy birthday and she’s touched that Lindsay remembered. She didn’t. Facebook told her.

12:05 Operation Get Kids In Keswick School newsletter begins. On second thoughts, Lindsay reduces the campaign to include just Abigail. Then again, most teachers know now that she’s related to Joel. Sam then?

14:23 The tred on the stairway carpet is suffering because of the incessant trips by children to forage for food. Lindsay gives it some Dyson TLC. As soon as she’s finished, Sam emerges.

“Walk down the stairs like John Wayne.”

“Who?”

“A cowboy.”

“How?”

“Like you’ve ridden a big horse.”

“I’ve never ridden a horse.”

“Yes you have. At Ribby Hall when you were five.”

“And how did I walk afterwards?”

“Normally.”

Sam walks normally down the stairs.

14:58 Whilst painting the fence, Lindsay sees her favourite bird, singing on the fence. Lindsay’s not sure when she came to have a favourite bird. Or why.

15:04 Joel comes out to speak to his mother. She pretends to pause the music streaming through her headphones. She smiles, nods and smiles again. Joel seems happy with that and goes back inside.

15:21 Lindsay’s listening to Eighties classics. ‘So Macho’ comes on. She looks at Ian then tries to think of someone else to fit the bill.

15:32 Lindsay’s singing along badly to some track. The next door neighbour comes out and goes straight back in.

16:50 Lindsay spots the young neighbour returning from his daily run and his mother is there to greet him at the door. Ian remarks that, if it was one of his, he’d be there too – holding the door shut.

17:15 Ian, Lindsay and Abigail take Frankie to the prettiest wood, full of bluebells and other flowers whose names they don’t know.

“Don’t you dare poo on those lovely bluebells Frankie!”

Frankie immediately backs up and shits on the bluebells.

18:23 Sam tells his parents that his friend has moved in with grandparents because things were getting fraught at home. Lindsay goes to phone her mam. To see if she’ll take Ian.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 45