(Though nobody actually has it.)

05:16 Lindsay is woken by the dog. She starts to think there is some sort of conspiracy in place by the male members of this household to torture her with sleep deprivation.

05:19 Lindsay suddenly panics that maybe Frankie was trying to tell her something. Wee? Poo? Sick? Burglar? She dashes downstairs to find him fast asleep on the sofa. She might as well join him and watch Netflix.

05:59 Lindsay hallucinates and thinks Ian is asleep on the sofa opposite. Has he actually woken himself up with his own snoring and come to the living room to escape? She then realises she’s looking at a pair of her own socks.

08:17 Lindsay really must hoover the stairs. There’s been a small twig at the top for days now and it’s even started to make its own way down in disgust.

10:32 Lindsay tells Ian to pop some toast in and then she’ll walk the dog.

“Are you not gonna stay and eat it?”

Five second delay from Lindsay. Then she laughs.

10:59 Today’s miracle. Joel eats breakfast before midday.

11:06 Bipolar Joel spends the entire walk moaning about Frankie – barking, spraying him with dirty water, hitting him with sticks, chasing defenceless birds.

“Do you like having a dog Joel?”

“Yeah. I love him.”

12:32 Lindsay and Joel arrive back to a house that looks like it’s in mourning. They dash inside to see why all the blinds are closed. Ian’s lost the use of his arms because he’s got himself addicted to ‘Stranger Things’.

13:06 Lindsay fancies a laugh so she goes and checks if any of her class have handed in work.

13:47 Lindsay knows Sam must be doing work as he’s created an account for himself on the computer. Lindsay howls. He’s chosen the strong, swift and muscular golden eagle as his icon. Joel’s is a pansy.

14:13 Super organised Lindsay already has tonight’s tea sorted. She’s phoned the takeaway in advance.

14:49 Candy Crush give Lindsay unlimited lives for a week. Feck!

15:01 Lindsay stupidly looks in her diary to see what’s happening next week.

15:13 Abigail asks Lindsay for help with her English, who complains.

“You helped Joel yesterday with his German!”

“How do you know?!”

“I read it in your blog.”

Lindsay must consider the content from now on.

15:23 Lindsay gets carried away and ends up writing Abigail’s story for her. Abigail complains that it’s too good.

“Just hand it in. It’s a week late as it it.”

“Ok. Done. But you’ll have to do all my English work from now on so my teacher isn’t suspicious.”

Lindsay didn’t think that one through.

17:33 Lindsay shrieks as Frankie arrives back from a walk with Ian, wet and slightly muddy.

“He can’t be in the house!”

“Why? Have you finally cleaned?”

“Err…no.”

“Well it won’t make any difference then.”

18:10 The takeaway arrives and Lindsay tells the driver that the tip is in the dog. He looks at Frankie then walks away. Lindsay meant the rattan dog by the front door.

18:21 Lindsay really didn’t think this blog diary through 40 days ago. She’s never written this much since she was at university. Well, maybe not uni. Maybe during A-Levels.