(Though nobody actually has it.)

05:01 Lindsay’s wide awake. It’ll be the sip of vodka she had last night.

10:34 Ian’s hair is now growing at the same rate as the plastic man in the playdough hairdresser game.

10:59 Lindsay groans as she tries to stand up.

“Abigail. What did I do yesterday to feel like this?”

“Well, you didn’t make me any tea! Is it Sam’s turn tonight not to get fed?”

11:00 Lindsay makes a mental note to write a list of which children she has fed/needs to feed. Like she’ll remember she’s even made a mental note!

11:06 Lindsay walks into the living room to hear a newsreader announce that shops are opening on May 11, with schools opening the following week.

“I don’t want to go back to school Ian!!!!”

“They’re talking about Belgium, you stupid mare!”

11:52 Lindsay sees a robin. She’s struggling to know what day it is, but it seems the birds are struggling with the seasons.

12:19 Abigail tells Lindsay about how she was doing cartwheels last night in the living room with her dad.

“Your dad was doing cartwheels?!”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

13:31 Frankie is barking at Ian and Lindsay.

“Stop it Ian. He doesn’t like it when we argue.”

“We’re not arguing.”

“Yes we are!!!”

14:01 Ian gets excited when he hears Carlisle are reintroducing garden waste collections.

“I wonder if we”ll be soon?!”

“I wonder if you’ll get a life before then.”

16:23 A friend suggests the Stevensons sit down and watch ‘Stranger Things’.

“You could definitely watch it as a family.”

“As a what?!”

17:35 Lindsay meets Joel in the kitchen.

“What you doing?”

“Maths homework.”

“No you’re not! You’re eating a yoghurt!”

“I am. Sam’s doing it for me in the living room.”

18:11 Lindsay considers what she has achieved today.

18:12 Lindsay is still trying to think of something.

18:25 She’s fed all three children the same meal at the same time. That’s what she’s achieved today.

18:45 Lindsay has a nagging feeling and it’s not Ian moaning. Maybe a vodka will help her remember.