(Though nobody actually has it.)

05:06 Lindsay is wide awake again. Today will be spent investigating snoring remedies. Or purchasing a new hammer. Whichever can be delivered quickest.

09:45 Lindsay prepares to go out in public and she couldn’t care less. The cap hides the greasy hair, the fringe hides the monobrow and she’s using toilet wipes to clean her face.

10:12 Joel is complaining that dropping off Scentsy waxes en route to the dog walk is a non-essential journey.

“Joel. These people have been in lockdown with dirty husbands and stinky children for weeks. Believe me, it’s classed as an essential journey.”

10:24 Lindsay really didn’t think how it would look, her dressed in a hoodie, baseball cap and scruffy jeans, surreptiously and suspiciously exchanging something in a concealed bag for stashes of cash, then making a run for it.

11:17 A bird poos on Lindsay in the garden, to add to the brown shit Frankie has sprayed all over her earlier. Ian is alarmed.

“Don’t tell the kids. They’ll never leave the house again!”

11:23 Lindsay can’t stop cleaning. She’s either nesting (in which case it would be Jesus Mark 2) or she’s finally bored out of her tiny, little mind.

12:34 The kids are complaining about the rough towels on their skin.

“Well maybe if you hadn’t developed worms since lockdown, we’d be able to use the tumble dryer to dry them and afford both food and electricity!”

14:45 Lindsay delivers food shopping to her parents and asks her dad if he had a letter from the NHS.

“I’m not an endangered species.”

“No, but you’ll be bloody extinct if you carry on!”

16:21 Lindsay’s telling Ian about going into Joel’s room earlier.

“I went to see Joel before.”

“At the Palladium?”

“No, not Billy Joel.”

“No shit Sherlock.”

Lindsay’s forgotten the point of the conversation now.

18:26 Lindsay, the enthusiastic cook from week one of Lockdown, has all but disappeared. She serves Sam what looks like a pile of baby sick accompanied by a mound of dog food. He seems to enjoy it more than his mother’s own cooking.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 36