(Though nobody actually has it.)

08:52 Ian now looks like Wreck it Ralph with his mass of hair. But without the muscles.

09:07 Lindsay goes on Google to check…..why’s she come on Google again? She literally decided to do it ten seconds ago….

09:21 Ian is stunned when Lindsay makes his bait. Ian underestimates the pure joy Lindsay is feeling because he’s going to work today which has led to this unique event.

09:52 Frankie’s ecstatic at the news he doesn’t have to pull his humans to his favourite wood anymore. Thank goodness they can get in the grey moving thing because the older one was getting heavier by the day.

10:13 Ahhh. Lindsay remembers why she went on Google. In the middle of the dog walk.

10:27 Frankie races to his usual swamp and jumps into dry, cracked mud. Evaporation 1, Frankie 0.

10:38 Ian leaves for work. Happy days.

12:42 Abigail quacks at Lindsay.

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m speaking French.”

14:23 Joel announces he’s finished his English work. Lindsay decides to read over his persuasive speech. It sounds a bit familiar. She’s sure she’s heard this before….It’s the bloody speech she wrote for Sam when he was in Year 10.

“Joel!! Are you a plagiarist?!”

“No. I play left back.”

15:31 The school day is over so Lindsay trudges into the garden to paint the fence.

15:33 St Elmo’s Fire comes on Spotify. Lindsay wonders if there was indeed a St. Elmo. She decides to pause painting just for a minute to google him and find out if he started the fire (because Billy Joel didn’t).

15:41 Hungry Eyes starts playing. This makes Lindsay feel a bit peckish. She decides to pause painting just for a minute to have some crisps.

15:56 Red Red Wine comes on. This makes Lindsay feel thirsty. She decides to pause painting to just have the one glass of Merlot in the sun.

15:57 Oops. Wrong UB40 song. It’s that one with lasso from the Pretenders. Ah well, never mind.

16:01 Ian phones from work to ask his pointless questions of the day.

“Been anywhere?”

“Nowhere.”

“Seen anyone?”

“No one.”

“What are you doing now?”

“Painting the fence. Sort of.”

18:16 Lindsay gets ready for video chat with friends. She’s going to have to remember that, once lockdown is over, she has to straighten the hair on the back of her head too and not wear pyjama bottoms in public.

18:56 Ian arrives home to a home cooked meal. He’s immediately suspicious.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing.”

“What have you bought?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you want?”

“A hot tub.”