(Though nobody actually has it.)
08:09 Lindsay is woken up by notifications from the kids’ school about set work. Stupid teachers. Don’t they know it’s the school holidays?……Isn’t it?
09:04 Abigail appears in the living room, sits for a couple of minutes, witters something about turnips then disappears. One of them is possibly hallucinating.
09:16 Lindsay is showing Ian which parts of the fence she’ll paint later by raising her arm sharply and diagonally. Ian wonders when his wife became a Nazi.
09:24 Lindsay moans that her shorts are still in the loft. Ian says the world is not ready yet to see her milky white legs.
09:29 The sun shines on the oven door and highlights the dirt and fingerprints. Lindsay sorts the problem. She hangs a tea towel over the door handle.
11:35 Lindsay finds some of Sam’s Maths A-Level homework in the conservatory. She reckons she picked up the wrong baby in hospital.
11:46 Lindsay is moaning about something else as Ian returns from Tesco with essential items. He waves a bottle of raspberry vodka in front of her.
12:12 Lindsay isn’t concentrating as she sorts out lunch. She gives Frankie her vegan sausage roll and beef McCoys while she has a bowl of tripe. Frankie is appalled.
13:34 Things still aren’t going well. Lindsay is chuntering to herself about needing a routine on the way to the bathroom. She puts the toilet lid down then sits down for a poo. Things really aren’t going well.
14:45 Lindsay wonders how people in sunny countries clean their houses. Her house is a shit tip. On the plus side, the fence looks fantastic.
16:09 Lindsay curses as she catches her foot in a Frankie-dug hole and falls over. He’s chuffed though because she’s found his orange ball.
16:32 Lindsay’s moaning to the kids about their lack of routine.
“Are you gonna change your routine of Candy Crush and Facebook then?”
17:01 Lindsay’s been phoning her students to check they’re doing OK. They’re all working hard. Lindsay looks around. Joel is mesmerised by a fly, Abigail is pouring water into a toilet roll and Sam is….
“Has anyone seen Sam today?”
Read what happened yesterday on Day 33
Woo hoo vodka supplies are in! My gin needs replenishing, must remember to put that on the list next time I’m in the kitchen
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