(Though nobody actually has it.)

00:01 Lindsay realises she’s produced three owls, not humans. They come alive as she goes to sleep. Tomorrow morning she’s gonna sit outside Sam’s bedroom and shout instructions to virtual children. Let’s see how he likes those apples.

07:54 From downstairs, Frankie senses that Lindsay has momentarily opened her eyes and races upstairs to launch himself on top of her, sticking his wet nose into her hand and pawing her while still stinking of sheep poo from yesterday’s walk. Good morning world.

08:12 Ian complains that he had to turn the telly up downstairs at 00:30 to drown out Lindsay’s snoring. Lindsay must try harder tonight because he still came to bed.

11:25 Abigail asks Lindsay to play Pontoon while walking by the river.

“What? I haven’t fetched any cards!”

“You don’t need cards. You just need sticks.”

“Pooh sticks Abigail. You mean Pooh sticks.”

12:01 Lindsay is going to have to change the heat setting on her tumble dryer. None of her clothes seem to fit anymore. She’s just bent over and her tights are now crotchless.

13:23 Abigail’s watching the Kellogg’s advert.

“What’s that song saying Mam?”

“How should I know? It’s gobbledygook. “

“It’s French.”

“Oh.”

14:28 Both teenage boys leave their pits and appear in the kitchen at the exact same time. Ian and Lindsay vacate the room immediately.

14:45 Sam’s asking Lindsay when she’s next making cheese flan. Lindsay is a bit excited.

“School cheese flan? My delicious school cheese flan?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

15:14 Abigail’s been slaving away all afternoon. Strange that she’s finally doing school work on a Sunday.

“Which subject are you doing?”

“None. I’m designing a T-shirt for Miss Joanne.”

15:47 Ian asks the boys to help with some manual labour in the garden. All of a sudden they turn into conscientious students and scurry to do some school work.

16:29 Joel asks Lindsay to help with his English work.

“Why me?”

“Because you speak English.”

17:39 Lindsay’s cousin challenges her to run 5k for charity. Lindsay will just attach her Fitbit to Frankie’s collar. Although she’s not sure how she’ll explain the fantastic turns of speed or poo breaks.

17:41 Lindsay looks at Joel’s English work and has a flashback to this time last year when she was helping Sam with the exact same poem.

“Sam!! Joel is studying Ozymandias. What’s the poem about again!”

“Some bloke called Ozymandias.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

18:49 The Stevensons convene for tea. Joel’s on the decking, Abigail’s in the conservatory, Sam’s in the kitchen, Ian’s in the living room and Lindsay’s upstairs, not eating, but happy to be away from the lot of them.

18:53 Lindsay receives a virtual hug from her mam via Messenger.

18:54 Another message from her mam.

“That hug isn’t for you by the way. It’s for Abigail.”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 32