(Though nobody actually has it.)

08:01 Lindsay lays off Ian’s voodoo doll for the time being. He did well in the sport’s quiz last night so she will give him a week’s reprieve. He may just have his uses.

10:06 Frankie mistakes Abigail’s leg for a tree and wees on her. Abigail is not impressed.

10:17 Abigail and Lindsay play hide and seek with Frankie. He searches frantically for Lindsay but leaves Abigail to die. Abigail is not impressed.

10:37 Abigail and Lindsay perform an impromptu dance duet as Frankie wraps his lead around the pair of them and they have to pirouette their way out of it. Abigail is not impressed with Lindsay’s footwork.

11:06 Abigail and Lindsay have to reenact The Enormous Turnip when Frankie finds a particularly nice piece of piss to sniff. Lindsay pulls the dog. Abigail pulls Lindsay. The dog does not move.

11:49 Lindsay appears to have adopted a quarantine uniform. She been wearing the same dress for 6 days (she has changed her knickers). On the flip side no one in the house has even noticed.

13:30 Joel “I am absolutely coming on the walk in the morning, definitely wake me up, don’t go without me” Stevenson emerges from his room after refusing to come on the walk earlier.

13:56 Ian finally changes the kitchen clock to British Summer Time. The clock has now stopped completely. Probably with the shock.

13:59 “Linz, haven’t you worn that dress all week?”

14:24 The dishwasher door flings open just as Ian is standing in front of it. Lindsay smirks successfully without Ian noticing.

14:57 “Mam, haven’t you worn that dress every day this week?”

15:05 Lindsay is lying down on the decking. Not on the decking. On a sofa on the decking.

“Never seen anyone sunbathe fully dressed before.”

“Never seen anyone smack you in the mouth before but there’s a first time for everything.”

15:35 “Mam, when are you gonna put different clothes on?”

15:55 “Has anyone seen Sam in the last 24 hours?! I’m just practising doing the register again in case there’s a fire drill.”

16:32 “Sam, do you notice anything about what I’m wearing?”
“No.”
Sam is Lindsay’s favourite today.

17:47 Lindsay prepares for a FaceTime call from her parents. She brushes her hair and tidies the one piece of kitchen they’ll be able to see. Assuming they point the iPad the right way.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 24