(Though nobody actually has it.)

07:58 Frankie wakes Lindsay up by sneezing in her face. Three times. Just in case the first time hasn’t worked.

07:59 Lindsay calls the stupid dog Joel. It happens a lot.

08:41 Abigail takes Lindsay’s place on the sofa so she moves to sit on the other. Except there appears to be a large patch of Frankie’s willy juice on that particular seat.

09:42 Lindsay gives up trying to fasten her jeans and puts a long T-shirt on to cover her delightful midriff.

10:05 Lindsay throws a stone for Frankie. It lands on her head.

10:22 Abigail begins a random conversation about how hot hire cars get abroad.

“I hate it when the wheel and handles and windows get too hot to touch. You know what you’re supposed to do?”

“No, what’s that?”

“Turn it upside down when you get out. Then when you get back, turn it the right way and it’ll be cool.”

“That’s hardly practical! Turning a car upside down!!”

“Not the car! The steering wheel!!”

“Oh yeah. That would make sense.”

13:06 Ian earns himself a reprieve by cutting the grass. Lindsay can stop thinking murderous thoughts for an hour.

13:19 Lindsay aborts mission to clean boys’ bedroom. She’s not brave enough to wake them.

13:46 A neighbour comes to fix a roof tile right above Sam’s bedroom. Banging and scraping does not resurrect him.

14:29 Lindsay sits down to do some school planning.

“What ya doing Mam?”

“I don’t know. I’ve forgotten how to do it.”

15:44 Lindsay lets Frankie out into the garden then shuts the door behind him. Another door is open. She wonders how long till he’ll figure how to get back in. Very small things are amusing her at the moment!

17:30 Lindsay decides for Sam’s own safety it might be better if she texts him from now on, rather than speaking to that sour face directly.

17:49 Lindsay’s thankful for all those years of spying in her neighbour’s recycling bin. She now knows which bottle to buy as a thank you for fixing the roof.

17:58 Boredom makes Lindsay start cleaning. She can never find a duster when she wants one. Like last time she needed one. In 2018.

18:59 Lindsay starts on the red wine. Tomorrow’s blog may not happen.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 22