(Though nobody actually has it.)

06:54 Lindsay wakes up after a fantastic dream. She starts to write it down, then realises it’s just an episode from Line of Duty.

09:43 Frankie is finally getting the hang of lead walks but he’s still puzzled as to why his human harvests his poo in little black bags.

10:06 Apple sends Lindsay a notification that her screen time is up 57% from last week. Time to go on the computer and fool the multinational technology company!

10:08 First soaking of the day by Frankie.

10:09 Second soaking of the day by Frankie.

10:10 Lindsay re-enacts Jack and Jill by tumbling down the hill, as she hasn’t appreciated how slippy the path would be after one night of rain. Frankie looks on and shakes his head.

10:15 Lindsay places a large stick in a section of swamp so she can walk across it. Before she does, Frankie runs up and steals it.

10:24 Lindsay hears her work email notification and tells her phone to feck off.

10:35 Lindsay spies the jogger she helped to get even more lost last week and hides in the woods. He’s obviously spoken to someone who knows their left from their right and goes the correct way.

10:41 Third soaking of the day by Frankie.

10:52 Frankie, now back on the lead, pulls Lindsay onto grass and she steps in dog poo. He understands now why she harvests his poo.

11:14 Lindsay meets one of her parents and starts talking to her at a distance about homeschooling.

11:15 Lindsay realises she’s never met this woman in her life. She must wear glasses on dog walks.

11:20 Fourth soaking of the day by Frankie. In the living room.

12:57 Lindsay keeps seeing photos on Facebook of families spending time together during the lockdown. She reckons she hasn’t had a proper conversation with her eldest since 2016. As for Joel, it’s always been impossible to have a normal conversation with him.

13:38 Lindsay is puzzled by the state of the living room carpet. Then she remembers that she’s only thought about hoovering today.

14:22 Lindsay wishes Ian would just bugger off to work so she can sit and do nothing without feeling guilty.

16:15 Abigail’s come out with a rash all over her face. She wonders if her skin isn’t used to being in a clean house.

16.31 Lindsay decides to challenge Sam to a household chore and throws him some wet washing.

“Peg these out?”

“What?”

“Peg these out?”

“What does that mean?”

“Hang them out to dry!”

“How?”

“With pegs!!!!!”

He’ll make someone a lousy husband.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 19