(Though nobody actually has it.)

00:01 Shit! Did Lindsay feed Abigail yesterday?

00:20 Lindsay asks Ian his opinion on separate rooms, before he falls into a deep, noisy sleep. He’s not keen. Lindsay is.

03:24 Lindsay finds herself heading for the conservatory sofa. Nobody is keeping her awake. It’s the large amount of vodka she consumed last night. Fingers crossed her uni hangover prevention tip works again. If not, another day in bed. Kids won’t even notice.

10:37 Lindsay is chuffed when she ticks off the first item on her long and detailed 6 day old list of jobs. She celebrates by grabbing a cuppa and playing Candy Crush for an hour.

10:41 Lindsay attempts to tidy the garden in the gorgeous Cumbrian weather but is hit by a flying washing basket on its way to Munchkin Land.

11:35 Lindsay and Ian trespass in a nearby field for their daily walk. They walk carefully, cautiously and quietly. Frankie immediately alerts the entire neighbourhood what his hoomans are doing with his incessant barking. Traitor.

13:01 Lindsay and Ian are doing another Facebook quiz. Lindsay lists four favourite places she has lived.

“What about the first place we lived together?”

“What about it?”

13:27 Ian sees an old TV clip of the State Opening of Parliament.

“Is this live?”

“Yep. The Queen’s popped over from Windsor, Charles has flown down from Scotland and they’re all flouting social distancing rules. Right at this very minute.”

14:42 Joel FaceTimes his lunch order to Lindsay. Lindsay makes a note and tells Ian to do it. They appear to have morphed into a waitress and cook.

16:03 Lindsay finally finds some motivation to clean and immediately regrets not drinking a lot more vodka last night so she’d be bed bound.

16:04 Lindsay realises her daily question of “How was school today?” has been replaced with “Have I remembered to feed you today?”

16:17 Lindsay FaceTimes her parents. She spends the entire 10 minutes admiring her mother’s wall lights.

17:54 Lindsay successfully burns Ian’s vegetarian steak so disguises it with one litre of gravy. He doesn’t seem to notice.

18:23 Lindsay settles down for the evening, having fed everyone and shut the kitchen for the day.

18:24 “Mam! When’s tea?” shouts Joel.

Three children Lindsay reminds herself. You have three children.

Read what happened yesterday on Day Eighteen in the Corona House