(Though nobody actually has it)

08:05 Lindsay has a mini breakdown. That time when the kids have Easter Eggs for breakfast, lunch and tea will not be happening this year.

09:48 Lindsay announces to the deserted wood that she is She-Ra, Princess of Power as she snaps branches to throw for Frankie. She then trips over a twig.

10:35 Lindsay is looking for positives. She says to Ian that Joel might actually pass some GCSEs because she reckons exam boards will lower the grade boundaries next year. Every cloud.

11:06 Lindsay finds Joel reminiscing, playing on his Nintendo DS.

“Shouldn’t you be doing some schoolwork?”

“Nah. I heard you telling Dad the exams are gonna be dead easy to pass next year so there’s no point”

12:05 Abigail gasps in amazement as she finally ventures outside.

“It’s warm! Why’s that?!”

“Well, see that big yellow thing in the sky?!”

14:46 Lindsay decides to change the downstairs cloakroom into her office. The kids have been unable to put away their shoes and coats for the last ten years so they’ll never find her in there.

15:03 Lindsay sees some bad grammar on Facebook and screams silently in her head. Now isn’t the time to be an arse and correct them.

16:54 Lindsay opens the vodka. It was a present for Mother’s Day and she’ll be needing it if she’s gonna survive mothering for the next few hours.

18:01 Lindsay finally finds her inhaler. Now she’ll be able to chase that little fecker up the stairs and catch him!

18:10 Abigail finds an undelivered birthday card from her to her dad. That’s next year sorted if we’re still on lockdown.

18:12 Lindsay starts to worry she hasn’t enough material for this evening’s blog.

“Joel!! Come downstairs and say something stupid!”

“I can’t. I’m doing schoolwork.”

“That’ll do!”

18:19 Lindsay surveys the chaos she has created. How, by emptying an under-stairs cupboard, has she decimated every other room in the house?

19:01 Abigail’s waiting nervously for her medal results to come through and is moaning to Lindsay.

“Why hasn’t she sent them yet?”

“They’re probably crap…. Did I just say that out loud?”

Read what happened yesterday on Day 8