(Though nobody actually has it)

07:58 It’s Ian’s birthday. Lindsay is normally rubbish at making the effort to leave the house and buy presents, but she’s got a legitimate excuse this year for the rubbish gifts.

10:46 Lindsay is thankful for social distancing as she screams obscenities at Frankie for whacking her with a stick the tenth time that morning as he runs past.

11:01 Lindsay throws said stick away then remembers Frankie peed on it seconds earlier. He finds it then starts eating it. Covid-19 stands no chance in that house with their impeccable hygiene.

11:25 Lindsay finds herself racing back home to dance with Oti Mabuse. WTF has happened to her life?

11:30 Joel arrives downstairs for homeschooling. Lindsay tells him he’s late.

“I have PE first on Tuesdays.”

“So what did you do? Joe Wicks PE?”

“No. I played FIFA.”

11:58 Lindsay finds herself breathless after climbing the stairs.

“I’ve got Corona Ian!”

“Don’t be daft you stupid woman. You’re just bloody unfit.”

13:01 Lindsay announces to the kids that they have to take Frankie into the garden and play with him for ten minutes every day. Frankie walks out of the room in disgust.

13:31 Lindsay tries to convince herself that Abigail playing on her Nintendo Switch qualifies as a Computer Science lesson.

15:30 Lindsay shouts upstairs that school is technically finished so they can stop their schoolwork. All her children start laughing at her.

16:46 Lindsay finally sets about cleaning the bathroom and come to a life changing realisation: she really is a dirty cow.

#stayhome #staysafe

Read what happened yesterday on Day 6