It’s the final countdown. I’ve calculated that its 41 days until I make my great escape from the classroom. There will be many things I will miss but, as I’m sure many teachers will agree, there seems to be so much more that I will be glad to see the back of.

Number Ten – School Cleaners

School cleaners. They’re a fearsome breed. Don’t let them fool you with their flowery aprons and cheerful marigolds.  Behind those smiles is an inner core of steel and they’re not about to be messed with, literally and figuratively.

Another hat which teachers wear is that of a school cleaner. Since we are all so terrified of Barbara, we end up cleaning the classrooms before she enters. Barbara has clearly done her job in making you do hers for her! The alternative would be to have to listen to Barbara chunter as she cleans up your classroom while you are trying to mark, plan, assess and resource. Unable to concentrate, you’re unable to work. Therefore, you decide to pass on your fear to the children so you can maybe get some bloody work done after school for once.

“Jesus wept! Look at that state of this classroom! Get it cleaned at once. Or Barbara will have us all for dinner!”

“Everyone get a piece of Sellotape and pick up ten bits of fluff off the carpet. I don’t wanna die! I’m only 7!”

Not only do school cleaners like keeping things clean, they just like keeping things. Mother Hubbard is their nemesis, for their cupboard is to be fully stocked at all times. So, when a teacher requires something, all of a sudden, you turn into Oliver Twist. 

“Please Sir. Could I have some more. Paper Towels that is. We’ve had a spate of accidents this week in the playground. Please Sir.”

Whether you get any paper towels is a lottery. If it’s a windy day, you probably won’t.

Do you know how you swear in front of a school cleaner?

“Somebody get the glitter!!”

Their bat-like hearing will have them sprint out of the cleaning cupboard before you’ve had time to take the top off.

They’ll produce the death stare and you’ll find yourself screwing the top back on and grovelling like a pitiful Lucius Malloy. Unlike puppies, glitter is definitely only for Christmas. And, ideally, only for one hour under the strict supervision of an adult. That is, the teacher observes the teaching assistant doing the child’s bedazzling for them. And don’t even think about reindeer dust or flour for Santa’s footprints. Otherwise, it’ll be your remains they’ll be cleaning up from the floor. Unless you do it yourself of course. Wouldn’t want Barbara getting her marigolds dirty. God forbid.

See what made the list yesterday at The Final Countdown Day 42