07:32 It’s Ian’s birthday.

“Ian!”

“What?”

“George Segal has died.”

“Great. Happy birthday to me.”

“Oh yeah. Do you want your presents now or when we’re all back from school?”

“I don’t mind.”

“I think you should have them now to give you time to get over the disappointment.”

07:39 Ian’s hair still has a mind of its own.

“You look like Butthead.”

“Great. Happy birthday to me again.”

08:52 Lindsay reckons Thortful are not very thoughtful. Firstly, they can’t even spell their own name correctly and secondly, they haven’t been very thoughtful in sending Ian’s last minute, panic-bought birthday cards on time.

13:38 Lindsay’s profile picture pops up on the whiteboard.

“Is that when you were young Miss? You’re happy and pretty.”

Lindsay suddenly realises that Roald Dahl was right. These daily, nasty thoughts are turning her into Mrs Twit!

16:12 Sam has news.

“I’ve got a psychology test after Easter.”

“Are you not normal either?”

“No. PE psychology!”

16:19 Ian finally gets his presents but obviously thinks he’s Goldilocks.

“These shoes are too small.”

“This T-Shirt is too tight.”

“This aftershave is just right.”

17:57 Ian and Lindsay are trying to play along on Pointless. They need to think of award winning female authors.

“Julia Donaldson? Room on the Broom is hard to beat.”

“Jilly Cooper? Jackie Collins? Oh I know. E.M Forster.”

“That’s a man.”

“Lasso who wrote thingy-ma-jig?”

They don’t get any pointless answers.