(Though nobody actually has it.)

06:56 Lindsay wakes up from a dream about the last school day of the summer term. There was no learning going on, kids were unruly and the teachers couldn’t care less. Sounds like the Stevensons’ house at the moment.

09:34 Lindsay’s had enough of her personal training sessions with Frankie.  Tomorrow, she’s just gonna drop him off at the woods and he can explain to the police that he’s just partaking in his daily exercise. Sod him!

09:36 Frankie’s patience is wearing thin.  Going for walks with Lindsay is like cross country at school, where you constantly had to stop so your friend could catch up.

10:35 Frankie forgets his mirror, signal, manoeuvre and pisses on Lindsay’s foot.

10:36 When all this is over and Lindsay is still crossing roads to avoid people, she’ll have to remember to explain that it’s because her dog is an arse.

11:04 Lindsay arrives back from daily military training exercise and can’t find her glasses. She reckons Ian’s hidden them so she can’t see properly to write any twiddle aboot heem.

12:07 Lindsay decides to embrace her curls like Michelle Keegan. She’s pleased with the results.

13:56 Lindsay fights the urge to go back to bed. The urge wins.

14:05 Nobody has any idea what day it is.

“Err….Alexa….”

15:50 Abigail reminds Lindsay about her online dance lesson in ten minutes. Shit! The living room’s a tip, Lindsay is no longer embracing her curls and she can’t possible tackle French plaits in that time!

15:55 Lindsay drops Abigail off for her online dance lesson in the living room.

“Just shout when you want picked up. I’ll probably be in the kitchen. Eating crisps.”

16:05 Abigail’s grinning like a Cheshire Cat because she’s dancing again. How wonderful that technology allows you to teach kids from your own living room…….Oh no, hang on, that is bad.  That is very, very bad!

16:23 Joel appears in the living room where Abigail and Lindsay are chatting.

“Get out quick! You can’t have more than two people. It’ll be a mass gathering”

Joel believes them and walks out. Result.

16:36 Lindsay ponders life last year when she was part time and earned a pittance. She’s now being paid a full time wage not to go to work. Ian was right about upping her hours! Result.

17:14 Lindsay stands over Abigail as she eats noodles which are ten days out of date.  She doesn’t appear to notice.  Result.

18:18 Sam has a meltdown. He can’t take it anymore. Abigail criticises his card shuffling so he throws the 8 of spades at her and storms out. Glad to see he’s upset by the important things in life.

Read what happened yesterday on Day 13