(Though nobody actually has it.)

04:49 Lindsay wakes up as bright as a lark. No, because of the bloody larks. Or whatever they are. In fact, she might google it. She now has time to become an orthinologist. Like all the other stuff she has planned. And will not achieve.

9:06 Frankie is seriously fed up of this walking on the lead business. Taking Lindsay for a walk is hard work. She can’t keep up. He has to pull her along and she is always screaming strange things at him which he doesn’t understand. She then takes forever picking up his deposits because she’s insisted on buying wafer thin poo bags, which flap about in the wind. She’s so embarrassing. Why can’t Ian or the boys take her out?

09:07 The introvert in Lindsay is enjoying having to cross the road to avoid people. This is her time.

11:37 Lindsay has way too much fun following the arrows in the Pelican garage then hopping into boxes. People stare at her.

13:04 Abigail announces she wants to bake a cake.

“I don’t think we have a kit in.”

“Do you need a kit? Can we not just make one from scratch?”

“Errr…. Alexa……..”

13:05 Lindsay hunts for a cookbook. She’s sure she got one for her wedding. 18 years ago. Abigail produces a recipe on her Ipad. Feck!

13:06 The electricity trips again and won’t come back on. Mass panic ensues. Children emerge from rooms. Lindsay and Ian become hysterical. Everyone is using 4G to google the solution. They fear they may have to engage with one another. Faulty circuit? Too many devices? New appliance? Or has Abigail possibly spilt water on an extension cable in her bedroom?

“Oh! Is that a problem? Water and electricity?”

Lindsay thinks she should have made more of an effort with the homeschooling this week.

13:07 Lindsay breathes a sigh of relief. The electricity is back on. Their version of normal in these strange times has returned.

13:08 Feck!! No excuse not to bake!

14:57 Ian is being very productive. After his victory over the electricity conundrum, he tidies rooms and sorts out wardrobes. Meanwhile, Lindsay plays drawing games with friends on House Party.

15:01 Abigail reminds Lindsay they still haven’t baked. Lindsay proceeds to direct her darling daughter, who thinks she’s making a Victoria Sponge.

“Since when was there cheese in a cake?”

“Since we were making school cheese flan!”

17:00 Lindsay is a bit too excited about her school cheese flan.

“Boys! Do you want some school cheese flan?”

“What is it?”

“Cheese flan like you used to get at school.”

“So cheese flan?”

“No, it’s school cheese flan.”

“What makes it different to normal cheese flan?”

“The taste. Just eat it. What do you think?”

“It’s nice. But it tastes nothing like school cheese flan.”

18:21 Lindsay decides to make an effort and sort out her clothes. She discovers a drawer full of running gear from a long forgotten past. She swiftly hides them in the bottom of the charity bag. No time for exercising once a day anymore. Oh, hang on….

18:54 Ian and Lindsay attempt a Facebook quiz about one another to pass the time.

“Lindsay, what’s my best feature?”

“Err……..Alexa….”