(They’re not lost. I just couldn’t be bothered to write them!)

Day Seventy-Six in the Corona House

05:10 Frankie sits on Lindsay’s head. She’s not sure if it’s a sign of affection or if she upset him in some way yesterday.

08:00 And so the notifications from the kids’ school begin. Here’s to six weeks of very little work.

08:12 Lindsay wakes up with a deep feeling of dread.

“I can’t face six more weeks of home schooling Ian!”

“You told me yesterday it was a seven week term.”

“Oh FFS!”

If Ian rolls his eyes any further, they’ll get stuck in the back of his head.

08:43 To avoid home schooling, Lindsay finds herself writing today’s Corona diary, despite yesterday’s monumental, historic, newspaper headline worthy announcement.

08:44 Lindsay needs to get over herself.

09:13 Lindsay thinks she may have a problem. She can’t stop looking at the time and thinking in the third person.

09:16 Frankie is such a tease. He leaves the ball and barks at you to throw it, then picks it up as soon as you approach. Lindsay is reminded of toddler Joel, who ran back stark naked into the baby pool and slowly made his way into the middle as lifeguards tried to grab him, so they couldn’t reach. Ian had to apologise to the sodden, fully clothed employee through hysterical tears.

11:47 Lindsay wonders if it’s National Stand in the Middle of the Road Day. If not, she’s gonna skittle a few stupid people by the time she gets home.

12:01 Joel announces he’s going to the beach during school hours.

“What are you going there for?”

“We’re going to look at like…tidal patterns…and effects of erosion etc. You know, stuff like that.”

“Oh OK then. Be careful.”

12:02 “Hang on!! You don’t even do Geography!!” If only there was a GCSE in Avoiding Necessary Useful Schooling. Or anus for short.

Read what happened on the supposed last day at Day Seventy-Five in the Corona House