(Though nobody actually has it.)
05:10 Lindsay wakes up ridiculously early. Lindsay has been woken by a noisy spring in the mattress. Every time Ian breathes, it squeaks. If only she could stop his breathing.
10:16 Lindsay and Ian pretend they like each other and go on a joint walk with Frankie.
10:57 Lindsay shows off her improved throwing skills. She launches a stick for Frankie. It rebounds off a tree and smacks Ian in the face.
10:58 Frankie is embarrassed and sets off to find himself some new owners.
11:00 Frankie is disowned by new owners as he settles himself into the only muddy puddle in the whole park.
13:15 Ian and Lindsay are still tolerating each other and set off for Tesco.
“It’s like I’ve forgotten how to drive.” says Lindsay as she feeds the wheel.
“Didn’t realise you ever could.” replies soon to be single Ian.
13:23 Lindsay enjoys queueing up outside Tesco and pretending not to know Ian a bit too much for his liking.
13:27 A woman wearing a face mask in the pasta aisle glares at Lindsay. Probably wasn’t the best time time to stop and play a game of Candy Crush.
13:33 Lindsay’s not convinced the taped lines in Tesco are 2 metres apart. Probably measured by one of her former pupils.
15:32 Lindsay presents Joel with a slightly burnt pizza.
“I loved it a little too much Joel.”
“And the foil stuck to the bottom Mam?”
“Was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”
16:23 Sam appears from nowhere like Richmond on the IT Crowd. It’s been a while. Ian helps them to get reacquainted.
“Sam, this is your mother. Lindsay, this is your eldest child. He lives on the first floor.”
17:05 Lindsay and Ian have just spent £195 on fresh ingredients and toilet rolls.
“What’s for tea Linz?”
17:38 Ian’s phone freezes. He can’t fix it. He can’t play silly war games, watch pointless videos or chat to his work colleague who has Tourette’s. Lindsay leaps into action and fixes it within minutes. The thought of having to communicate with Ian scares her more than catching the virus!
18:32 Lindsay disappears upstairs and finds herself tucked up in bed. Joel comes into the room with his T-shirt pulled up to cover his mouth.
“I haven’t got Corona!!”
“I know. You bloody stink though!”
Read what happened yesterday on Day 15