Life Lesson No. 273

Enthralled with today’s life lesson!

When I became a parent, I fully expected I would teach my children to do many things: walk, use a potty (not walk with a potty on head à la Joel), ride a bike, tie shoelaces. There are lessons I’ve failed at: be nice to your sister, be nice to your brother, don’t wind your dad up, stop embarrassing me in public (Joel). But today’s lesson, I wasn’t expecting. Today’s learning objective was to shut a cupboard door correctly. I really didn’t think these doors through when I purchased the new kitchen. Light and glossy. Prime….. for finger prints. So we had a lesson today on how to shut the doors so I don’t have to spend my Saturday morning cleaning them, when I could be lying on the sofa, watching old episodes of the Goldbergs (their family makes me feel better) and eating crisps with my fingers arranged like chopsticks.

To shut the doors,

1. We do not high five them.

2. We do not first smear our hands in jam or any other spreadable delicacy.

3. We do not ask Frankie to do it with his tail after he’s bathed himself in a swamp.

To shut the doors,

1. We tickle them with our forefinger. (Cue mini lesson on which is our forefinger. “Oh, Peter Pointer, Peter Pointer, where are you?”🤦🏻‍♀️)

2. We apply as much pressure as you kids do to yourselves when you’ve got exams!

3. We strategically place said forefinger at the bottom of the door, where there is a slight shadow should you leave any imprint (which I will subsequently test for DNA traces so I can identify the culprit).

I think by the end of said lesson they were all willing Monday to come around quickly so they can go back to school and be taught by some actual sane teachers!

Read another blog about the joys of parenting at Crafting with children – don’t go there!