(Though nobody actually has it)
06:54 Lindsay gets up to make the most of the peace and quiet before the silence is interrupted with “I’m sooooo bored.”
07:51 Lindsay finds herself watching old videos of Torvill and Dean. Maybe, subconsciously, it’s because she remembers 1983-4 as a carefree time in her life.
09:10 Hysteria setting in. Joel is demanding pancakes (Is it Shrove Tuesday again already? It could well be because Lindsay has no idea what’s going on anymore) and Lindsay demonstrates signature Torvill and Dean moves to an unimpressed Ian.
09:37 Lindsay falls out with Alexa for not recognising any of the maudlin songs she wants to listen to from the Eighties. Or maybe it’s just the Cumbrian accent marra!
10:50 Lindsay sees someone coming out of Aldi with a pack of toilet rolls. She radios Ian to inform him she is about to undertake an undercover mission to locate and apprehend a 9 pack. She needs to stop watching Line of Duty.
12:56 Lindsay is delirious on the dog walk and keeps rolling under barbed wire shouting “Am I clear?!” like she is starring in Line of Duty. Again, Ian is unimpressed.
14:46 Lindsay wonders if this virus was created by her mam as she is now cleaning furiously on a daily basis, like her mother has been nagging her to do for years.
18:09 The Stevensons are all in different rooms. Lindsay is wiping the banister, Abigail is painting rainbows, Ian’s learning pointless facts from Pointless, Sam is killing Russian mercenaries online and Joel is suspiciously quiet in his bedroom. We’ve got this social distancing cracked!