08:31 Lindsay sees a weather warning for yellow snow. She’s not the sharpest tool in the thingy majig but even she knows that’s just wrong.

08:33 Lindsay goes to fetch the milk in. She shows all her neighbours who have kids in her school that she’s teaching in pyjamas.

11:05 The class are discussing their favourite sandwiches.

“Miss! Mine begins with ‘f’. You’ll never guess.”

“Fish fingers.”

“No.“

“Fried egg.”

“No.”

“Feta cheese.”

“No. Nutella.”

“You’re right. I never would have guessed. In a million years.”

12:13 Lindsay finds herself pushing mushed up crackers and bananas through a bamboo 40 denier tight to represent the small intestine. There was no mention of this at Edinburgh University.

13:32 Joel’s curious.

“Where’s dad?”

“Work.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s lucky.”

14:01 Lindsay’s experiencing technical difficulties. She’s trying to upload a poll so the kids can vote on who should be the next king in. 1066.

“We’ll have a new bloody king by the time I figure this out!”

She’s sent the poll to herself.

16:12 Joel announces for the fifth time today that he’s done some work.

“What do you want? A round of applause?”

He thinks about it.

18:22 Since demonstrating the work of the large intestine with a glass and a Bisto tub, Lindsay appears to have traumatised her own colon and it’s gone on strike.

19:02 Lindsay spots the photo of her pretend small intestine. She understands now why some kids refused to look.