So half a year in and the Stevenson kids seem to be settled at Keswick. Sam’s finally acquired a level of motivation which was last seen over thirteen years ago when he was building some convoluted train track for Thomas the Tank Engine and his out of control friends. He’s also been successful in not being linked with his two younger siblings. Everyone is oblivious that he shares DNA with the two little Stevensons in lower school and he’s happy to keep it that way! The only time he acknowledges Joel’s existence is when he’s walking past him in the dinner queue, sadistically smiling at his younger brother as his sixth form privileges mean he can walk straight to the counter to be served while the lesser mortal Joel has to wait in line. I’ll rephrase that. As Joel jumps up and down, annoying everyone around him, talking utter nonsense. But in a line.

Abigail is also happy in school for the first time in months. Unfortunately, she has not been able to deny her genetic links with Joel. And this includes Joel’s nemesis. His unfortunate Maths teacher who has tolerated, endured, suffered and attempted to teach him every single year since he started. Every single year.

Back in September, Mr Maths was going through the register, checking everyone’s family history as if it was an episode of ‘Who do you think you are?’ He would stop now and then, question children about their siblings and comment on their brother or sister’s excellent work ethic, fantastic maths ability or general all round loveliness. He stopped when he reached Abigail’s name and stared at her.

“Are you Joel Stevenson’s sister?” When she replied in the affirmative, his reply was ‘Mmmm’ and he carried on calling out names! I’ve told Abigail just to keep her mouth shut and get her questions right and he’ll soon forget she’s even related to Joel!